成人公司搞笑英文英语话剧剧本《三打白骨精》

    搞笑英文话剧剧本

    Three Times’ Beating Monster

    人物：T唐僧 S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒 J：沙僧

    B：白骨精 B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆

    B3：B变化成的老头 N：哪吒

    T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

    S: Bajie,map!

    E: (摸出，递给S)

    S: Look,master (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

    T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, nof to bring these pictures of

    beautiful girls with you!

    E: Oh,master!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

    T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

    E: But……

    T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

    E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!

    Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.

    S: Fat Pig!

    E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,

    I will……….

    S: You will what(凶相)?

    E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

    S: Hm!

    T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me

    some food?

    E: You see ,master is hungry,too!

    T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

    J: But master,if a monster comes while brother monkeg is away…..

    T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

    S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

    E: This is…..?

    S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from master’s

    books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

    T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific!

    Emitofo, knowledge is power!

    S: Bye!(走)

    T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

    B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

    B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?

    T: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against Landlord and three

    people are enough.

    B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

    T: Bomb?(打出)

    B1: Double King!

    T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a master-hand. Come in and teachme!(准备开电网门)

    S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

    B1: （倒)Ah……

    T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

    S: She is a monster!

    T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

    S: Oh,please don’t……

    T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)

    S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

    T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

    B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)

    B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

    T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)

    S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)

    E&J: Are you Ok, master?(扶T)

    J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

    T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

    B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)

    S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

    T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed

    three lives!

    S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!

    T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

    S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》

    E: Master, brother Monkey is.......

    T: Scratch! Don't mention that guy any more!

    B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

    T: （惊）You are......

    B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)

    B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

    S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

    T: Wukong?

    E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

    J: Our hero is back!

    T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

    S: Master,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance

    into three shapes in order to cheat you!

    T: How,how did you find out?

    S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)

    N: Excuse me, where is the cniminal?

    S; Ah......you are too late ,Nezha!(对T)I've called the police.

    N: (摇醒B)You are under arrest .(出示证件)You have the right to

    remain silent If you give up the right, anything you will say can and will

    be against you in a court of law!(带走B)

    T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)

    S: What?

    T: I'm sorry.

    S: Em? Louder,please?

    T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）

    T: Let's go guys!( 歌)

    S: You are carrying the luggage, I am leading the horse.

    E: Say goodbye to the sun, Welcome evening glow.

    J: Sleeping on the ground, again we set out set out, again we set out.

    T.S.E.J: Ah......Ah...... Sleeping on the ground again we set out.

    T: One after the other the seasons go by,and ohe after the other, the year

    go on. You wonder where the road is. The road is under your feet.

    T.S.E.J: You uonder where the road is, the road is under your feet.....

    英语话剧剧本TheBus

    AStoryaboutLoveandStinkyFeet

    5-6人英语剧本，公交车上的故事，适合大学生活，关于爱和臭脚的故事。

    FemalestudentA:,FemalestudentB,FemalestudentC,BoyA:WangChiang-rui

    BoyB,Oldwoman,

    SceneOne

    (Threefemalestudentsarechattingonabus.Becausealltheseatsaretaken,theyarestanding,holdingontosomeplasticringshangingdownfromthebusroof.Twoboysaresleepingintheirseats.Thenthebusarrivesatastopandanoldwomangetson.Shelooksattheseats.Seeingnoemptyseats,shestandsnexttoafemalestudentandholdsontoaplasticring.)

    Oldwoman:There'renoemptyseats.IguessI'llhavetostand.

    (Thefemalestudentsfindtheoldwomannothavingaseat.Theywanttohelpherfindonetositin.)

    FemalestudentA:Weshouldfindaseatforher.

    FemalestudentB:Right.Thosetwobadboysdidnotgivetheirseatstoher.

    (Thetwoboyscontinuetosleep.)

    FemalestudentC:Weshouldfindaseatforher.

    FemalestudentsA&B:Yes.

    (FemalestudentAgoestoBoyAandtapsonhisshoulder.)

    FemaleStudentA:Excuseme,couldyougiveyourseattothatoldlady?

    (BoyAstretchesandcontinuestosleep.FemalestudentsAandBlookateachother.FemalestudentBtapsonBoyA'sshoulder.)

    FemaleStudentB:Hey!Canyougiveyourseattothatoldlady?

    BoyA:(wakesup)IlinedupfortwentyhoursyesterdaytobuyA-Mei'snewalbum.I'mverytired.I'msorryIcan'tgivemyseattotheoldlady.(continuestosleep)

    FemalestudentC:Whatshouldwedo?

    FemalestudentB:Let'sasktheotherboy.

    BoyB:(getsupsuddenly)Ah!

    All:(startled)Ah!

    FemalestudentB:Whathappened?

    FemalestudentC:Whydidyouscream?

    BoyB:Ihadanightmare.Itwasterrible.

    FemalestudentB:Excuseme,canyougiveyourseattothatoldlady?

    (BoyBfallsasleep.)

    FemalestudentA:Hello!IsitOKforyoutomakeroomforthatoldlady?

    BoyB:Letmesleep,please.IreadanEnglishnovelallnightlastnightanddidn'tgetanysleep.Canyouletmesleepforawhile?

    FemalestudentA:Well,we'vetried.

    FemalestudentB:Theyoungmanisreallybrash.

    Oldwoman:Thankyou,youngladies!I'mOK!Don'tthinkI'manoldwoman.Iamhealthy.(makesafewkickslikeayoungman)

    FemalestudentC:Maybeweworrytoomuch.Theoldlady'sveryhealthy.

    (Thebusdriverhitsthebrakesuddenlyandtheoldwomanfallsover.ItmakesBoyAwakeup.)

    BoyA:Oh!AreyouOK?

    Oldwoman:Oh!Oh!Mywaist!

    BoyA:Youcantakemyseat.(helpstheoldwomantotheseat)

    FemalestudentC:Hmm.Hejustgothisconscience.

    FemalestudentA:Yeah!Iwasjustabouttosaytheygotnomanners.

    FemalestudentB:Yeah.Ithoughthewasacold-bloodedanimal.

    BoyA:Hey!Watchyourownmanners.I'vegivenhermyseat.I'mreallyverytired.

    (AtthistimeBoyBisembarrassed.Hedaresnotcontinuetosleep.)

    Oldwoman:Thankyou,youngman.I'moldanduseless.

    BoyB:Don'tsaythat.IfI'dgivenyoumyseatearlier,theaccidentwouldn'thavehappened.

    (Thebusdriverhitsthebrakesuddenlyagain.BoyAfallsdown.)

    SceneTwo

    (TheOldwomanandBoyBsitintheseats.BoyAisstandingbehindthethreegirlsanddrowsing.Thethreegirlscontinuetochat.BoyAisdrowsingcarelesslyandbumpsintoFemalestudentA'sbody.)

    FemalestudentA:Oh!Whotouchedme?(turnsherheadaroundandsees

    BoyAstandingbehindher)It'syou,right?

    BoyA:What?

    FemalestudentB:Why?Youdiditintentionally,didn'tyou?

    BoyA:Wait.Ididn'tdoanything.

    FemalestudentC:Youtouchedherintentionally,right?

    BoyA:Hey,I'mnotthatkindofperson.(looksatBoyB)Hey…Isityou?

    BoyB:(confusedandshakeshishead)Notme.Iwassleeping.

    (Thebusdriverhitsthebrakesuddenlyagain.BoyAbumpsintoFemalestudentAagain.)

    FemalestudentA:(angry)Stillsayingitwasn'tyou?Youpig!

    BoyA:Ididn'tmeanit.

    Oldwoman:Nowadaysboysarenotthesameasthoseinthepast.Boysinthepastwereallverypolite.Nowboysarereckless.

    FemalestudentC:Nowwhatdoyouhavetosay?Apologizetoher.Hurry!

    BoyA:Alright!Alright!(tofemalestudentA)I'msorry.

    (FemalestudentAignoreshimandcontinuestochatwiththeothertwogirls.)

    BoyA:It'snotmydaytoday.

    BoyB:Gentlemendon'tfightwithwomen.Andshe'snonicewoman.

    Oldwoman:Nowadaysgirlsdon'thavegoodtemper.Timereallychanged.

    BoyB:Olderpeopleknowmorethanus.

    Oldwoman:WhenIwasayoungstudent,Igotlovelettersfrommanymeneveryday.Forthesakeofmanners,Iwentoutwithdifferentmeneveryday.

    (BoysAandBdon'tknowwhattosay.Suddenlythebusdriverhitsthebrake.TheoldwomanbumpsintoFemalestudentC'ships.)

    FemalestudentC:(surprised)You.....

    (TheoldwomanlooksatFemalestudentCandsaysnothing.)

    Oldwoman:Youhavenicehips.

    FemalestudentB:Ican'tbelievetheoldwomaniscapableofsexualharassment.

    FemalestudentC:Maybenowadaysoldpeoplearenotthesameasthoseinthepast.

    FemalestudentA:Maybeafterlosingherhusband,shefeelslonely.

    FemalestudentB:Ah!Hereweare.Let'sgetoff.

    FemalestudentC:We'dbetterstayawayfromthosestrangepeople.

    (Femalestudentsgetoffthebus.)

    BoyB:Whoarethosestrangepeople?They'rerealstrange.(helpstheoldwoman

    up)AreyouO.K.?Thoseyounggirlshavenosympathy.

    Oldwoman:(feelsBoyB'shand)Youalsohaveapairofveryfinehands.

    BoyB:(startled)What?

    BoyA:Thisoldwomanisalsoverystrange.

    BoyB:Let'sgo!

    Oldwoman:Don'tbeshy,youngman.Ihaveheldsuchkindofhandforalongtime.

    (BoyBfreeshimselffromtheoldwoman'shandandgetsoff.)

    Oldwoman:(looksatBoyA)You'renice,too.

    BoyA:Hmm,good-bye.(getsoff)