成人公司搞笑英语话剧剧本5-7人--《心碎》

    Heartbroken

    Billing：

    XiMenchuixue

    YeGucheng

    HuaManlou

    King

    PanJinlian

    Narratage/soldier

    N：Aquietvillageiscoveredwithwhitesnow. Birds are dancing in the cold. A man is standing inthe street. Thewind is coming in silence. Another mysterious man approaches.

    Y与X相遇．

    Y:Oh , I am sorry to knock intoyou!

    X: Ha ha ,Never mind,boy. What’syourname?

    Y: Haha, I won’t change my name,no matter what happens.I’m the most famous-------YeGucheng.Who are you?

    X: I am XiMenchuixue.

    Y:Ah??? XiMenchuixue?

    X: Yes, what’swrong?

    Y: I heard that you are the best oneinChinese Kongfu.

    X: Great,you know me!

    Y: Butyourwifeismyfirstlover.

    X:What???

    Y抱腿:Oh,Please,please……Don’t kill me!Let me go!

    X:No,I must kill you!

    Y: I don't want to be killed. There is aneighty-year-old motherand a three-year-oldson to be looked after by me!

    X: Noway!Because we are enemiesnow! You know?

    Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don'tforce me!

    X: 拔刀砍向Y

    (Y拿出一袋牛奶迎上去)

    X抢过牛奶: Milk,very good!I like drinking it.How do you know that?

    Y: Justdrink it!

    X喝完牛奶: Thanks,ha ha.

    Y: Do you still want to kill me?

    X: Sure!Milk is milk.

    Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very nice!I hope you won’tforget what you said!?

    X:I’m sure I won’t!

    Y: I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time,you’ll never behave properly!3-2-1-0!

    X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach, Oach!

    Y大笑：HaHa……

    X可怜状:Help!Help!Where is the washroom?

    Y: What?

    X: Toliet?

    Y: What?

    X: The“WC”?

    Y: Oh, Isee.go along this street totheendand turn leftwhen you see a highbuilding! Youcan’tmissit.

    X: Thanks, bye bye.

    X与J相遇

    X跑过来J举牌：Ladiesroom

    J:Yousawme!?Youanimal,monster,bullshit!(一边拉拉锁一边说)I killyou!

    X:Oh,No!I amsorryhoney,butyouaresobeautiful!What’syourname?

    J:MyfirstnameisJinlian,andmyfamilynameisPan.

    X:Oh,PanJinlian!???Sonicename.I loveyou.Youhavethemostbeautifulface,noseandlittlelips.Wouldyouliketomarryme?

    J:Yes,I’dliketo.Butdoyougetmarried?

    X:Ofcourse,ah…not!Whataboutyou?

    J:Um…neitheramI. Butdoyouhavearingtogiveme？

    X:I willgetoneforyou.

    J:I loveyou.I willberightherewaitingforyou.

    N:ThenXiMenchuixuegotofindaring.LetusseewhathappenstoYeGuchengatthesametime.

    Y:Yousee??ItisreallyterribleforapersonnotbeinggoodatEnglish.

    Y掏出纸屑吹:This is XiMenchuixuenow!

    H: Stop!Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!

    Y: Who are you?

    H: HuaManlou!Have you seen XiMenchuixue?

    Y: Yes,he was beaten by me and is in “WC”now, ha……

    H惊讶: So,now,you are the best in the world!

    Y: Clevergirl.

    H: You are the one my king looking for!Do you want tojoin us?

    Y: Yes, mypleasure.

    H: Ok,follow me. Let’s go to see my king!

    Y: Ok, Let’sgo! Myfirstloverindreams.

    H:What?

    Y:Nothing.

    H:My dear king !Let me introduceYeGucheng to you!（指Y）This is YeGucheng.

    K: Sit down please,YeGucheng.

    H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H: YeGucheng!Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as coldheadache , rainstorm or Aids?

    Y:Yes, I do.

    K:Gucheng,comeclosely.给叶孤城戴上戒指（音乐停）

    X唱着上: Only you……(看到戒指)this ring willbe mine!

    K: But who are you?Why should it belong toyou?

    Y急切:King!Dear king! I must go now, my mother asksmetogobackhometohavedinner.

    X:I amXiMenchuixue.YeGucheng,comehere!Givemethering!!!

    Y:Hereyouare.(灰溜溜的过去)

    X转身准备离开

    K:Arresthim!

    X:I willkillanyonewhoisinmyway,nomatterheisahumanbeingoraBuddha.

    S:I amthemosthandsomesoldierintheworld.Myfavoriteislookingmyselfinthemirror.I amhere.I amhere!I amhere!Youcan’tgo,boy!???

    X拔刀捅个不停，S动作配合但不死

    X擦汗：I amtootiredtokillyou,butI willcutdownyourhead.

    S:Oh,God!Whereismyhead?Withoutahead,I willbevery,veryugly.Worldwithoutbeinghandsome,I wouldratherdie.Ah…

    K:Ah,XiMenchuixueisreallyrude.Yousee???Thehandsomesoldier’sbrainwasbrokenintopieces.TellYoulaibuildingnottocooktofubrainasbreakfastanymore.

    N:Then,XiMenchuixuegotoladiesroomtomeethisloverwiththering.ButactuallyHuaManlouisXiMenchuixue’swife.So… whatwillhappennext?

    H:Mydearhusband,whereareyougoing?

    X:Somethingimportant!Don’tfollowme.

    H:Buttheringshouldbemine.(X找到了金莲,butH也跟来了.)

    H:Oh,shit(捂眼).Whatareyoudoing?Youlittlebitch,Iwillkillyou.NineYinbonesclaw?

    J:HaHaHa…!MysonisLiGang,Ifearnothing(自信).Whothehellareyou?

    H:I’mhiswife!!!?!

    J:Youhaveawife?Youcheatedme!

    X:Butyouhaveason,namedLiGang.Myheartisbroken(扭头退场，留下背影)

    J:Myheartisalsobroken(冲背影，也下场)

    H:（大喊）Myheartisbrokenintopieces!!!(冲背影)Fuckyoursisters.

    N：Atthesametime,YeGuchengandthekingareplayinganotherlegendstory.

    Y:转身准备离开

    K:Gucheng!?Areyougoingtoabandonme?

    Y:Iwill!

    K:Why?

    Y:BecauseI’mnotagay.Once,therewasasincereloveavailableforme,butIdidn’tcherish.NowIregrettodie!Ifthegodwouldgivemeanotherchance,Iwouldhavesaidtothatgirl “Iloveyou” .Iftheremustbealimitforit,Ihopeitwasonenight.Butnow,myheartisbroken(退场)

    K:Oh,no.Myheartisbrokentoo.(退场)

    N：Everyoneisafraud.Loveisnotathingthatyoucanbuywheneveryouwant.Atlast,ThesepeoplewithbrokenheartgobacktoTangdynasty,andtheyallbecomemonks.Then……(放西游记的歌，白龙马最后出场，背后贴字 “WhiteDragonHorse”

    End.